This last week we celebrated Hope\u2019s birthday. I am so grateful to have her home with us, celebrating her birthday together as a family for the first time. There is so much for our family to celebrate. Hope has grown in every way and we are in awe of how far she has come. She has made great gains in every area of development. She continues to surprise us with new developments almost daily.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On her birthday, our family took great delight in watching Hope\u2019s curiosity and joy in experiencing her first birthday celebration. Witnessing her face light up as we sang \u201cHappy Birthday\u201d to her. The cute, silly way she tried to blow out her candles with a little blow-snort from her nose.\u00a0Her wonder and delight in eating her first bites of birthday cake and opening her gifts.\u00a0She seemed to understand that this was no ordinary day\u2014that this was her special day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet, there is a seed of sadness with the joy that I feel. This is Hope\u2019s first birthday with us yet she is turning three. I was not there to witness her birth or celebrate her first two birthdays. I was not there to witness her first breath, her first smile, her first tooth and many more firsts. She was alone without a life witness, without any celebrations over her birth and life, no gleeful delight over each new milestone nor silly and sweet stories told of her babyhood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Adoption is both beautiful and bittersweet. It is a clear picture of redemption and restoration. Most of us want to believe in happily ever afters, I am one of them. Yet in the last year, I have become more keenly aware that there is also great sadness and brokenness within adoption for the child as well as the birth and adoptive families. Each age and developmental stage revealing new layers of grief and questions that may never have answers. With adoption, joy never comes without sorrow hot on it\u2019s tail. I\u2019m not saying this to harp on the negative, I\u2019m only shedding light on that which is so deeply felt and experienced.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Through this journey, I am learning that it is okay to feel all the feelings, to carry both joy and sorrow together, each holding as much weight as needed. I am learning how to be more gentle and patient with myself, holding space for the mix of emotions that rise and fall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am taking heart, remembering that we have a Savior and Redeemer who bears witness to it all. Our Creator and Sustainer, our true life witness, from our very first heart beat to our very last. He places each star in the sky and has numbered and named each one. He knows each of us intimately, the number of our days, each tear that we have shed and every last hair on our heads. He celebrates with us, delighting in the wonder-filled moments. Yet also He grieves with us, carrying the burden of our deepest sorrow. With loving kindness, He draws near, gently holding and binding together all the broken pieces. In His time, He is making something new, something beautiful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Verses that I drew from for this post:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.\u201d\u202d\u202dJeremiah\u202c \u202d31:3\u202c \u202dNIV\u202c\u202c<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHe heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name.\u201d\u202d\u202dPsalm\u202c \u202d147:3-4\u202c \u202dNIV\u202c\u202c<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnd the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don\u2019t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.\u201d\u202d\u202dLuke\u202c \u202d12:7\u202c \u202dNLT\u202c\u202c<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.\u201d\u202d\u202dPsalms\u202c \u202d56:8\u202c \u202dNLT\u202c\u202c<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God\u2019s work from beginning to end.\u201d\u202d\u202dEcclesiastes\u202c \u202d3:11\u202c \u202dNLT\u202c\u202c<\/p>\n\n\n\n