Shelter of Hope

“The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof.” -Barbara Kingsolver

More than a year before we were matched with our daughter in Bulgaria, God gave me her name. Our adoption journey lasted over four years from beginning our paperwork to bringing our daughter home. We had many mountain top experiences where we witnessed God provide for our needs in miraculous ways yet there were many valleys where the waiting weighed on our hearts and the darkness felt endless. Hope was hard to find at times yet hope was the shelter in which we lived under. It was the light in which we carried as a lantern, into the dark unknown valleys when our hearts ached, longing for God to lead our daughter home.

Many times, hope emerges from the darkest of places, from the grit and groining of an extended season of waiting. God gave me the name Hope after listening to this song. I had just come out of one of the lowest and darkest valleys of our waiting. The gift of her name was given to me right when the first signs of spring began to emerge from the cold bare ground of winter. In that moment, I felt seen by God and renewed in my waiting, more certain that His love and care were surrounding our daughter in Bulgaria.

The following Spring, when blooms and buds were bursting forth with new life, we received the long awaited call that we were matched with our daughter. In reading her reports, we discovered that the orphanage where she lived from birth was named Faith, Hope and Love Children’s Home. This knowledge gave us even more certainty that God’s plans are vast and His timing perfect. He was indeed sheltering our daughter inside the firm, unshakable shelter of hope, His relentless, unwavering love her one true home.

Now, more than two years after welcoming Hope into our home and family we are continuing to learn what it means to live firmly inside the shelter of His love and care. We have had numerous mountain top moments, so many milestones to celebrate yet the valleys have been deep and dark. I have filled out endless forms for assessments and appointments and when there are questions about Hope’s history, I can only write, “unknown”. There is so much of her past that is unknown and as I envision her future, I come against the resistance of uncertainty and fear.

Yet each day, I have a choice to make. Do I allow these fears to weigh me down, potentially crushing my spirit and stealing my joy? Or do l surrender all that I am not meant to carry and allow myself to live fully and freely, making my home right under the roof of my Father’s love?

When I look back on our adoption journey, I can see how God has provided in every way. When I reflect on how far He has brought our daughter, I am in awe of how much she has grown and the many ways she brings our family joy. When I remember that He created her inmost being, knitting her together in her first mother’s womb. He knows and tenderly holds each and every detail of her life, past, present and future. He has bestowed upon her a new name and a secure future in Him. When I think on these truths, I clearly see evidence of His faithfulness along every step of our journey. My heart again fills with gratitude, my strength and hope are renewed.

Faithful Father, you light the way when the path ahead is shrouded in darkness, when uncertainty lies around every corner. Your unfailing love gently leads me onward. Hope is never lost because in You, I am found. It is under Your secure, unshakable shelter that I discover my one true home. 

“Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him

He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.”‭‭Psalms‬ ‭91:1-2, 4‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Note about pictures: It’s been a while since my last post so I wanted to share two mountain top experiences for our family from the last few months with you. The first group of pictures were taken on our late summer camping trip. Hope’s first time camping. She was so overtired but a very happy camper. 

The second group was taken recently on a road trip to Oregon. Our longest road trip as a family of seven plus Fritz. You can image our van was pretty cozy at best. We made a brief visit to Crater Lake and got to stay at a timeshare with an indoor pool!! So fun and a much needed getaway from the daily grind of at-home and online work, school and therapies.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours! I am so grateful that you are here, walking this journey with us.