Our oldest, our sweet beautiful girl who flutters into a space with a gentle graceful presence just turned eighteen in January. The one who was gifted to us in a time when grief and joy mingled and became almost one melody. My much loved father-in-law’s heart ceased beating while my daughter’s boomed steady and strong tucked under mine. Our hearts were breaking yet we had to find the courage and fortitude to keep moving onward. In the span of less than two months, we shockingly lost our dad and soon to be grandpa having to release him into the arms of Jesus while simultaneously welcoming with open arms our daughter who held the fresh scent of heaven. 

In this trying time, we had to cling to one another and to God, our roots learning to sway and bend and weather the storm. In the early years of parenting, our roots were forced to dig deeper into the soil of God’s unending love and day to day mercy. 

Time is an interesting thing, it seems to creep by in some seasons and fly by in others. All in all, time is fleeting and it is precious. In a matter of six years, our four oldest children will be adults and our little Hope will be a teenager. This season holds in it both grief and joy, converging into an achingly beautiful song. 

I feel that I am living in the delicate balance of remaining present and steadfast as our children go through the ebbs and flows and growing pains of childhood and early adulthood while also providing space and freedom for them to learn to spread their wings and prepare to fly. To allow each of them the opportunities to succeed and possibly even fail while also the assurance that we are here to love, support and encourage them no matter what comes their way. 

To mark the beginning of this new season, we have decided to plant a tree, a saucer magnolia. These magnolia trees are not evergreens like the familiar ones we see with white blooms in late Spring. They are instead deciduous, shedding their leaves in the Fall. At the first signs of Spring, this tree still winter bare proclaims its splendor with a punctuation of bright pink flowers as if a flight of butterflies or a flock of birds has perched on its branches. 

We will plant our small sapling opposite its dignified relative, our seventy plus year old rambling evergreen magnolia. A path to our home between the two trees and a front window view of the newest addition’s beautiful bright Spring blooms. Currently its tender root system can fit cupped in the palm of my hands. We will tend and protect this tiny treasure as it adapts to its surroundings and establishes a healthy root system. 

Audrey Hepburn was quoted with saying, “To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.” A saucer magnolia is estimated to be at full height and breadth in about twenty years and I can imagine our family tree also growing in height and breadth. I can envision our future grandchildren growing up—playing, dancing, singing and reading under its branches. Sheltered by its shade and still awestruck by its Spring splendor.

My hope and prayer for you and for me, for my children and the generations to come is that like this new small sapling, our roots can become well established in God’s tender love and under His branches we may find shelter, solace and abundant joy. That even when the storms rage we can confidently trust that we are rooted and firmly held in His strong unfailing embrace. When life takes its toll, making us feel as if we are a caged bird who has forgotten their song, we can remember that we have been set free. Free to spread our wings and soar high on the current of our own God-given melodious song. 

“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:14-21 NIV

“but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Isaiah 40:31 NIV

“I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.”‭‭
Isaiah‬ ‭49:16‬a NIV

I am a Child of God.
I have been redeemed.
I am no longer bond by fear.
I have been released, set free.

I flee from darkness.
Death as no grip on me.
I live into His truth, His light.
Opening my heart, I receive.

His Love is a Banner over me.
I claim His Victory.
I am His, He is mine.
I am a Child of God.

Lord, thank you for surrounding me with your love. You continually sing over me the truth of who I am. I am Yours.

I claim the beautiful power of these words, over my own life and my family. Do not allow fear to hinder us from becoming all that you have created us to be.

Even more so, I pray this for our future daughter. Break the chains that bind her, deliver her, bring her home. She will no longer be called orphan. She is Yours. May this song be her Anthem, Your Love her Banner. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen.

Inspired by the song, “No Longer Slaves” by Jonathan and Melissa Hesler

Thank you for linking hearts in prayer and becoming a strong, unbreakable Thread of Hope, crossing mountains and oceans on behalf of our daughter and family. His love will bring her home! To God be the Glory.

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“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
‭‭Exodus‬ ‭14:14‬ ‭NIV‬

Lord, thank you for never giving up on us. For always fighting for us. For interceding continually on our behalf.

You are fighting and interceding on the behalf of my family and our future daughter. You are in control of every single detail, breaking through every last hurdle in our adoption process.

Jesus, still the restless undercurrent of my mama heart. Even in the quiet, uncertain waiting, you are at work in immeasurable ways. Your great love for our future daughter is powerful, parting the sea, making a way through the impossible.

Your LOVE will BRING her HOME.

In Jesus name, I pray, Amen.

Thank you for linking hearts in prayer and becoming a strong, unbreakable Thread of Hope, crossing mountains and oceans on behalf of our daughter and family. His love will bring her home! To God be the Glory.

Read full post here

I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you— the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.” Psalm‬ ‭121‬:‭1-8‬ NIV

Lord, you have her. You have always been her comfort, her place of belonging. You are the Maker of Heaven and Earth and you are preparing a way. Over mountains and oceans, Your limitless love has come. You will bring her home.

I ask that you would plant a seed of hope in her heart. Help her to know that you are near and that you have plans to give her a family and a future. Your timing is perfect and no matter how long the wait, you will sustain and protect her.

I lift up my eyes to the horizon. I will wait for You. When my heart grows weary and anxious, I will draw near you. I will trust in your unfailing love and I will rest in your abounding comfort. In the Mighty Name of Jesus, I pray, Amen.

Thank you for linking hearts in prayer and becoming a strong, unbreakable Thread of Hope, crossing mountains and oceans on behalf of our daughter and family. His love will bring her home! To God be the Glory.

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See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah‬ ‭43‬:‭19‬ NIV

Lord, give me eyes to see you. To perceive the many ways that you are at work. Continue to prepare our hearts. Renew our strength daily. Teach us how to love one another better in this time of waiting. Give both Robert and I the insight on how to best nurture this tender, new love in our children’s hearts for their soon to be sister.

Soften her dry, parched heart. Restore her ability to receive this great outpouring of love. This love that only comes from you. A never ending spring of living water. You are making a way, forging new streams for your love to flow.

In Jesus’ wondrous name, I pray, Amen.

Thank you for linking hearts in prayer and becoming a strong, unbreakable Thread of Hope, crossing mountains and oceans on behalf of our daughter and family. His love will bring her home! To God be the Glory.

Read full post here.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. ‭Isaiah‬ ‭61‬:‭1-3‬ NIV

Lord, I ask that you would work in mighty ways in and through our daughter’s life right now. Bind her broken heart, release her from captivity. In your perfect time bring her home to us.

You are the God of all comfort. In her dark, lonely moments, calm her fears. Draw near to her. Bring her comfort as she mourns the loss of her birth family, her birth mother. Prepare her to leave her home country and all she has ever known.

Grant her peace, confidence and a deep understanding that you are with her and that you are providing hope for her future. Let her know in some way, that her family is coming.

Provide a caretaker for her in this time, who is compassionate and caring. Someone who is nurturing and loving towards her so that she may feel your tangible comfort and love. Someone whom she can bond with so that she has the ability to someday form a healthy attachment to me and our family.

The voids in her life, the brokenness, only you can heal and restore. Our love is not enough but Your Love is more than enough. Begin to create strong connections that will bind us together as a family in unity. Ways that will make it clear to her heart and ours that we belong together.

Bestow a crown of beauty in place of her ashes. Anoint her head with overflowing joy. Cloth her in a glorious garment of praise, removing all layers of despair.

Lord, in You, may she rise from the ashes as a great oak. Reaching up tall and strong to meet the splendor of your glory and grace. Her arms and heart stretching wide to all the beauty that you have in store for her life.

In Jesus’ mighty name, I pray, Amen.

Thank you for linking hearts in prayer and becoming a strong, unbreakable Thread of Hope, crossing mountains and oceans on behalf of our daughter and family. His love will bring her home! To God be the Glory.

Read full post here

I stand only knee deep, on the edge of more, on the brink of bold.

The horizon wide, the water deep, the waves uncertain.

I can see You just beyond the shore.

My heart races, my breathing quickens, my legs feel weak.

You call out, “Come”.

With my eyes fixed on You, I boldly go.

The waves begin to crash over me and I feel that I am sinking.

Yet, in an instant You have me.

I am Yours and in You, I am bold.

I am exactly where I need be,

I am beautifully in, over my head.

““Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭14:28-31‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I am in a place where mere words can not fully express all of what I am inwardly experiencing through our adoption process. In the uncertain waiting, song has become my Thread of Hope. Stirring my stagnant heart and giving a voice to my wordless, restless groans. So, as we continue to wait for our fifth child, our sweet girl, I will lift up hands and heart and I Will Sing!

These two songs inspired this post,

Both songs have beautiful imagery. Each one, a powerful reminder that God is in my uncertain waiting. He goes before me and He will never leave me. He calms and quiets my restless, groaning heart. He strengthens me and He will sustain me, no matter what the future holds.

Today, my hope and prayer is that this post and these songs will uplift, inspire and encourage you as well.

In Him, we are beautifully bold!

“Send me your light and your faithful care, let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭43:3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

It is always the darkest before dawns first light. The waiting seems to have no end and at times my faith wavers and the darkness begins to permeate. I continue to push back the darkness, letting the truth of who God is and always has been illuminate one faith-filled step after another.

Our four year old loves coloring pictures of our home. He repeatedly draws our happy yellow house with big windows and a bright blue door. Home, it is the sweetest place. Yet right now for me, it feels bittersweet. There is a void that remains. A missing piece, a longing yet filled. I continue to have dreams of our future daughter, each one more vivid than the last. Each one revealing God’s graciousness in our waiting. Each one, leading me on, renewing my hope, giving me the strength to keep on going.

She is still so far from home. Even so, the dawn will break and we will welcome her with arms and hearts wide open. Her little life will light our world in ways we could not have anticipated. She will be our good and perfect gift from the Father of Lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. (James 1:17)

Lord, give me a steady heart. One that has known your faithfulness and remembers your goodness. You are my steady, unwavering, never changing, Father of Lights. You illuminate my path, always leading me on, ever closer, to my one true and steady home, You, Lord Jesus.

Lord, you never let me go. You go before me. You are always with me. I know I can only see you through the lens of my own human limitations. Yet, I know that you are limitless, more than I can fathom this side of Heaven. Give me eyes to truly see and a heart that fully understands that you are my God (my child’s, husband’s, friend’s God). The One True God who reaches far beyond human reason and is able to do immeasurably more than all I can ask or imagine.

You have not promised that this life will be easy, there will be troubles yet you have promised something far greater. This temporal world is not my home yet in you I AM HOME. You are with me, you take me by the hand, you lead me into a land of green and gold.

Each week it was been something I have looked forward to. Encouraging me to lift my voice in praise and hope-filled expectation. Reminding me that God is with us and that He is always faithful, never changing. He continues to sing songs of deliverance over our daughter and family.

I have decided to continue this series with a post once or twice a month until we bring our daughter home. A sweet sound, a thread of hope, a ray of light, in a season that is sure to bring days that can seem too quiet and hopelessly impossible. The path at times, dark and uncertain.

My hope and prayer is that this simple series will bless each of you, right where you are at.

Please feel free to leave a comment. I would love to hear how a song or a scripture verse has impacted you. Also if you have a song or verse that is meaningful to you, I encourage you to share. It may give me inspiration for a upcoming post.

Thank you for walking along side our family on this journey. I am looking forward to the beauty-filled plans God has in store for us in 2016! Our wait has been long although I know that the best things in life are worth waiting for. We wait with hope-filled anticipation for God’s very best!

May Jesus be your Hope, your Light, your Song.

Happy New Year with love from our family to yours!

—————–

Something Beautiful

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”
‭‭- Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3:11‬

Something Beautiful Lyrics

In your ocean, I’m ankle deep
I feel the waves crashin’ on my feet
It’s like I know where I need to be
But I can’t figure out, yeah I can’t figure out

Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your tide rushes over me
There’s only one way to figure out
Will ya let me drown, will ya let me drown

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, ’cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I’m in reach
‘Cause I am down on my knees, I’m waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful

And the water is risin’ quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can’t be sure when it will subside
So I won’t leave your side, no I can’t leave your side

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, ’cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I’m in reach
‘Cause I am down on my knees, I’m waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful

In a daydream, I couldn’t live like this
I wouldn’t stop until I found something beautiful
When I wake up, I know I will have
No, I still won’t have what I need

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, ’cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I’m in reach
‘Cause I am down on my knees, I’m waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful