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Song of Surrender

April 12, 2016 by Heather Mitchell 3 Comments

Today marks fifteen months since we were first registered with Bulgaria. Our hearts first saying “yes” to the call of adoption more than two and half years ago. It’s been a long road and our daughter still remains unknown to us. The journey to bring her home and win her heart is still marked with many obstacles.

Some days, I am able to hold hope close and find strength for this journey. Other days, I try vainly to grab tight, fists clinched, to some level of perceived control. To only be left feeling depleted and afraid. The waiting physically painful at times.

I asked a friend who is on a similar journey, waiting for her forever child, “Why does this waiting hurt so much when I don’t even know who my daughter is yet?”

She replied, “It hurts because we know our children are alive, alone and waiting for their forever family.”

I felt less alone in the waiting when my friend so honestly echoed my own weary heart. Yet it made my heartache all the more. I long to hold my daughter tight and whisper in her ear, “You are home. You are loved. I am your forever Mommy.”

Yet, I know that she is not mine to hold. Not now, not ever really. She is God’s child just as each of my biological children are. With his hands, creating each one, fearfully and wonderfully. It is He holding the plans of their lives. It is He who has ordained the number of their days.

Our daughter will be a gift received and held with open hands. A good and perfect gift from the Father of Heavenly Lights.

Today I sing a song of surrender.

A song to the One who holds the whole of this big broken world in His hands.

A song to the One who created me and has ordained all my days.

A song to the One who sees me and knows me. Relentlessly pursing me. His love for me, never ending.

A song to the One who holds me tight in my weary waiting.

A song to the One who holds our daughter in His loving arms. She is never alone. He is her place of refuge, her home.

Today, I sing a song of surrender and I release my hopes, my dreams and my timeline. With opens hands I wait for the Father of Heavenly Lights who does not change like shifting shadows. (James 1:17 NIV)

This post is part of the I Will Sing series.

Tangible Presence

April 4, 2016 by Heather Mitchell 1 Comment

“As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Joshua 1:5b NIV

I am a registered nurse on the pediatric oncology, hematology and bone marrow transplant unit. I have cared for those battling cancer for nearly half my life. I have literally grown up on the oncology unit. My perspective on life has been greatly impacted and my faith stretched by my experiences with my patients and their families.

Since having my first child ten years ago, I have worked every other weekend. Nursing is a pocket of my life that is small yet significant. It may take up only a small fraction of my days yet it holds my heart and it is where I see God most. I can feel His tangible presence.

For the last several years, I have had a running joke with God. I take the elevator several flights up to my unit each morning that I work. Each time the elevator is open before I push the button, I silently say to God, “Thank you for holding the door. You are such a gentleman”. I walk in, smile and I sigh, knowing He is with me.

Funny thing is, the last few months, EVERY SINGLE TIME I have arrived at the elevator it has been wide open. No one is anywhere around. I am alone. I walk in and I take a deep breath. The doors close and I close my eyes.

I pray, “You are with me, You go before me, You will never leave me.”

Again, I take a deep breath, smile to myself and I push the floor number. I take a few more deep breathes as the elevator goes up. The doors open and I step out onto my unit, ready for the unknown of my workday ahead.

You may say I am strong. Yet no, I am never strong on my own account. I am weak and God makes me strong.

You may call me brave. Yet no, I am mostly afraid. My patients and their families are the brave ones.

I am only humbled and honored to be a small part of their fight and their journey. I can only take the next step, continuing to walk through the doors that God opens, bringing the tangible presence of Jesus with me.

This short video testifies to the undeniable bravery and strength of all who have battled cancer. It also clearly points to the Creator and Sustainer of all life, our Hope and Healer, our Ever Present Help.

I am beginning to understand at a deeper level that God’s presence remains with me even at the end of my workday. As I step onto the elevator and the doors close, His tangible presence is still with me. He dwells in me.

He is with me in the unknown, the everyday and the mundane. In my home, my marriage, in raising and teaching my children. In and through our adoption journey and with our daughter in Bulgaria. He’s in my joy, my grief, my waiting.

He is with me in my brokenness and my struggles. In my relationships and in learning to love my neighbor better. He gives me all I need to take the next faith-filled step. He is my Ever Present Help. (Psalm 46:1 NIV)

I am called to open the doors of my heart, stepping out in faith. Bringing the tangible presence of Jesus into every nook and cranny, every pocket of my life.

God is with me.
He goes before me.
He will never leave me.

Are there any doors that God has opened for you? What is your next faith-filled step?

How are you bringing the tangible presence of Jesus into your everyday world?

Holding Hope

March 27, 2016 by Heather Mitchell 4 Comments

My maternal grandmother came from a large hardworking Mennonite family. She knew how to live on little, yet she never complained. Always holding on to hope in the hardest of circumstances. She was continually grateful and had such a beautiful love for her Savior, Jesus.

As a little girl, I remember how much my grandma loved Easter. She took great delight in preparing an Easter egg hunt for her grandchildren. In being thrifty, she would save all her pantyhose containers for this purpose. In the late 70’s, early 80’s, pantyhose were packaged in large shiny gold and silver plastic eggs. To a small child, these eggs were magical, jewel toned treasures.

I can remember the sense of excitement and the flutter of hope I felt, searching for and finding each hidden gem. Afterwards, holding a basket brimming full, knowing that each one held an even sweeter treasure inside. Gently breaking open each egg to find candy treats in all shades of the pastel rainbow.

When I was 14 years old, my grandma went home to be with Jesus. She was the first person to die that I was close to and that I loved. In her last hours on this earth, I prayed fervently for her healing. Believing fully that God would heal her. When God chose eternal healing over earthly healing, I felt confused. Did God not hear me? Did he not care?

After that dark day, I spent many years living in brokenness. Holding hope at a distance. Not believing that God was the giver of good things. Seeking treasures in all the wrong places. It took coming to the end of myself, broken and beaten down by this world, to understand that Jesus was the only way to goodness and life.

In celebrating Easter this year, I watched the delight in my children’s faces as they hunted for jeweled treasures. Again remembering the hope I first held as a small child. Feeling the familiar flutter inside me once more.

This simple tradition that my mom joyfully continues with her grandchildren is a tangible reminder for me. This being, that the greatest treasure came at an even greater cost. Jesus’ body beaten and broken for me, for us all. Yet by God’s power, on the third day, Jesus conquered death and rose again. Restoring our hope and offering everlasting life to all who are willing to receive.

Today, I will continue holding hope close. A hope that is living and breathing, never to be taken from my embrace. I know with certainty that God is the giver of all that is lovely and good. He is taking that which is broken and bringing forth wholeness, healing and new life.

“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭27:13-14‬ ‭NASB‬‬

I Will Sing: Love Alone Is Worth The Fight

March 22, 2016 by Heather Mitchell Leave a Comment

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.”

1 John 3:16 NIV

Story behind the song Love Alone Is Worth Fighting For

[Part of the I Will Sing series.]

Good Things Take Time

March 15, 2016 by Heather Mitchell 2 Comments

“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
‭‭Philippians 1:6 NIV‬‬

I first launched MagnoliaHeart more than two years ago as a way to share how God was stirring in my heart and to chronicle our family’s journey. A few months later we began our adoption process.

I never would have imagined how much I would grow in my walk with God through this process. How much deeper I would come to understand His great love for me and who I am in Christ. How broken and completely dependent I would become on His strength, mercy and grace.

The waiting has been painfully hard at times. I have longed for our fifth child, our little girl, for such a long time. It has not been an easy journey and I know that the road ahead will have many hardships. Even so, I am thankful for this journey. So grateful for this time of waiting and growing.

Good things take time.

For more than two years, God has stirred my heart and given me a clearer vision of who I am called to be and the unique ways in which He is leading our family for His Kingdom. He has given me the words and He is formulating a story within my heart.

I knew that my blog would be a way to chronicle our adoption journey but I did not realize how much I would truly enjoy writing. It has become a creative outlet, a place to record God’s faithfulness in this season of waiting. I wonder what the next two years will hold?

Today, I would like to share with you my new mission statement and bio. Giving words not for who I am or what our family represents but instead for who we are becoming. Intentionally yet never perfectly, living into these words.

I would be honored if my subscribers were the first to read this. Click here to read My Story, a journey that continues to unfold and has really just begun.

Thank you to all who have journeyed with us from the beginning and to those who have more recently joined us. For waiting, hoping and praying with us and for us.

Imagine the joy we will share with each of you, when we finally welcome our daughter home. You each play a significant role in our story and I am ever grateful.

I Will Sing: Ten Thousand Angels

March 7, 2016 by Heather Mitchell 1 Comment

Part of the I Will Sing series.

The LORD will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring. Some of you will rebuild the deserted ruins of your cities. Then you will be known as a rebuilder of walls and a restorer of homes.”

Isaiah 58:11-12 NLT [Read more…] about I Will Sing: Ten Thousand Angels

I Will Sing: Restless

February 22, 2016 by Heather Mitchell 2 Comments

Part of the I Will Sing series.

“So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed.

I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done.

I spread out my hands to you; I thirst for you like a parched land.”

Psalm 143:4-6 NIV

About the song Restless by Switchfoot

“I was listening to the rain, hearing it fall, and realizing that all of these drops had an individual path to take to the ocean and they were relentless in their pursuit to get there. The each had a story to tell.” – Jon Foreman

Share the Love

February 13, 2016 by Heather Mitchell 1 Comment

“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

As the gap closes on our wait, my children continue to amaze me with their capacity to love someone they have yet to meet.

Prayers for their future sister have gone from being an occasional prayer now and then to daily and they are so very genuine and sweet. Their hearts are open and ready to welcome a new sibling into our family. They long to know her, have her home and share their love with her.

We have endearingly nicknamed our soon to be daughter and sister, Ladybug. With this warm spell and Valentine’s Day, we are seeing ladybugs everywhere. Each time I see one it makes me smile and I say a prayer for her. It may seem a little silly but even so, hope bubbles up inside me. Love always hopes and so with this simple act, I am renewed in the waiting.