Beholding Joy

“Joy is the experience of knowing that you are unconditionally loved and that nothing — sickness, failure, emotional distress, oppression, war, or even death — can take that love away.” -Henri Nouwen 

For me, joy has not been an easy concept to fully understand. Joy has felt like something I could miss if I was not paying close attention. Like a brilliant sunrise or a rainbow after a storm. It was breathtaking to behold but fleeting and intangible. 

In the last several years, I have begun to understand that joy runs much deeper and can be our constant and lasting companion. I have also come to understand that joy and sorrow are not separate from one another but are intertwined and in many ways joy is more clearly known when deep sorrow is experienced. 

I have experienced joy intertwined with sorrow on many occasions. In caring for cancer patients and their families and in different seasons of loss. One season that is etched into my memory and the fibers of my being was the year we lost my father-in-law. Now more than fifteen years ago, it still feels like yesterday. 

It was less than a week before thanksgiving and only two days after celebrating the baby shower of our firstborn. I was just a month and a half away from giving birth to our daughter, Grace. She would be the very first grandchild on both sides. Our whole family was overjoyed to welcome her. My father-in-law was no exception. When he would see me, he would greet me with a big hug and then cup my belly in his hands and whisper, “Hi, Gracie!”

We awoke to the call early on a Monday morning before dawn. I’ll never forgot my mother-in-law’s frightened words on the other line. We rushed to the hospital but were too late to say goodbye. He died suddenly in his sleep, there was nothing anyone could have done. 

We gathered with our immediate family and said our goodbyes around his silent hospital bed. He was no longer with us yet there was a pulsating presence that even in our deepest sorrow, joy was there and it felt tangible and palpable. 

I’ll never forgot leaving the hospital without my father-in-law and driving the short distance to my in-laws home. The sun was high in the sky, brilliant yet somewhat glaring and irritating. I remember thinking to myself, how could the sun shine so bright on such a dark day? How could life continue to move and breathe within me and all around me? It felt so wrong yet it also gave me a deep knowing that joy would not leave, even when the darkness felt thick and the sorrow unending. 

The year of 2020 has been relentlessly hard and there has been much to grieve. Loneliness has become a constant struggle for many of us. We as a nation have experienced great loss and heartache. Uncertainty and fear have felt at times like a dark, thick and unending fog that settles heavy on our hearts. 

Yet in all of this, we can behold joy because joy is not a fleeting feeling but a constant and abiding presence. True joy is not found in our circumstances, nor in people or possessions. Instead it is found in God who became flesh. Jesus chose to come for us, bringing His upside down Kingdom to a world desperate for rescue. Humbling himself so He could dwell among us. He took on skin, becoming acquainted with suffering and sorrow, radically living with and loving the misfits and outcasts. Laying down his life to bring us eternal life. 

Emmanuel, God with us. 

Behold, Jesus our Savior has come! 

He has come for the outcasts and misfits. He has come for you, he has come for me. 

He is our ever present friend, our constant companion. No matter how messy things get or how complicated our situation becomes, He will never leave us nor forsake us. We are His beloved and He is ours. We are His joy, His delight and it is in Him that we behold pure joy. 

Even on our darkest days, the light of His unconditional love shines upon us—brilliant and bright. 

“The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned.” Isaiah‬ ‭9:2‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.””‭‭ Luke‬ ‭2:9-12‬ ‭NIV‬‬