A Spacious Place

“He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.” Psalm‬ ‭18:19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Our youngest daughter, Hope spent the first two years of her life in an orphanage, confined to only two rooms. From a lot of what we can see, we believe she spent most of those first two years confined to a crib with very little human interaction and physical touch. Her very basic needs were seen to but not much more than this. In every sense, she was only surviving not thriving, not growing, not experiencing the love, comfort and security that a family can give. Even the best of institutions can not fully provide these crucial elements that each child needs to truly thrive. My heart breaks to think of how alone she was.

In May of last year when we first met Hope, she gave us very little eye contact, she showed very little emotion. She was closed off to the world around her, a shell of a little girl—afraid of her own shadow.

I remember our first afternoon with her. I carried her outside where we were to spend time bonding with her. She began to softly coo with delight in feeling the warm sun and the gentle breeze on her face. From what we know this was her very first time outside. Her gentle cooing continued as she looked down at the rows of beautiful multi-colored roses lining the path to the playground. Her face changed from a blank expression, she became more alert and curious.

I reflect on our first playful interaction with Hope that day. I held Hope on my lap and Robert faced her, touching her gently with a textured purple ball, making funny noises and facial expressions. She began to laugh and not just slightly but from somewhere deep within, a true belly laugh. I began to cry because I was so relieved to see her smile and to hear her laugh. I did not realize until that moment how afraid I was, how I was almost holding my breath. What if this place had already stollen her joy, her light, her life?

Today, Hope is a different girl than the shadow of the little one we first met just over a year ago. She is always full of joy, laughter, chatter and movement. She loves exploring outdoors, delightfully discovering new flowers and plants. She enjoys interacting and is learning to relate more fully with herself, her environment and her family. She is curious and open to the world around her which is expanding more and more. She is learning to trust that she is safe. That she resides in a spacious place right here with us—where she is free to grow, to thrive, to find delight and to be delighted in.

Surrounded by love, she is blooming a little broader, smiling a little brighter, laughing a little louder, each new day.

Lord Jesus,
I breathe in, your love surrounds me.
I breathe out, your love knows no limits.

Your love is larger than life, a spacious place for me to grow, to bloom, to thrive. To think that you delight in me just as I am. Under your gaze—I come alive.

Thank you for being my safe and spacious place in a world that threatens to bind and break me. Amen.

In the last several months, I have felt the burden of too much, way more than I can bear alone. I have needed to find my very breath in Christ alone.

I share this podcast and this one with you. Both have helped me to gain new tools and a fresh perspective. The breath prayer is one tool that I am using when I feel anxious and when sleep does not come easy.

I hope and pray that you too will find a spacious place, a breath of fresh air, when this weary world weighs heavy.